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About TimothyPaul

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    Naples, FL
  1. This is from Pastor Rick Warren's daily devotional, when I read it I thought there were things that may apply to some thoughts you may be dealing with. By Rick Warren — Aug 29, 2016 “Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts” (1 Thessalonians 2:4b NLT, second edition). God did not make you to be what somebody else wants you to be. God didn’t make you to be what your parents want you to be, what your girlfriend or boyfriend wants you to be, what your spouse wants you to be or your boss or your friends want you to be. God made you to be you. If you’re going to become all you can be, you have to refuse to be defined by others. Hebrews 11:24 says, “By faith, Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter” (NIV). Moses had an identity crisis. He was born a Hebrew slave but raised as Egyptian royalty, the grandson of Pharaoh. When he grew up, he had two choices: He could pretend to be Pharaoh’s grandson for the rest of his life and live a life of luxury and fame and power. Or he could admit who he really was: a Jew. If he did, his family would kick him out to live with slaves the rest of his life. He would be disgraced and humiliated and live a life of pain and drudgery. Which would you choose? Most people today are living lies. They’re trying to be people they’re not. But Moses refused to live a lie because he was a man of integrity. He insisted on being who God made him to be against all kinds of peer pressure. Here’s my question for you: Who are you letting determine your identity? Is it your friends and family? Some of you have parents that died years ago, but you’re still trying to live up to their vision for your life. Some of you are hanging on to what some ex-husband or wife said to you, and you’re trying to prove that person wrong. Some of you are trying to keep up with what social media and culture and the competition says you should be. But the Bible says this: “Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts” (1 Thessalonians 2:4b NLT, second edition). The first resolution you need to make is this: “I resolve that no more will I let other people press me into their mold. I’m going to be what God wants me to be. I’m going to do what God wants me to do, and I’m going to fulfill the plan that God has for my life, not somebody else’s plan for my life.”
  2. http://pastorrick.com/listen/player?roi=echo7-27769305039-48679281-b0393b1dd707acf53980556dd16fc9ea&
  3. I agree with Cindy on this. These feelings may be stemming from the fear of the unknown. Satan has a nice way of playing with our emotions using fear. Ask yourself, "What is the worst case scenario or what is my deepest fear? " If that were to become a reality, would God still be present? Scripture tells us God will never leave or forsake us. So how would His presence help you through the worst case scenario? If you can sort that thought out, it may give you a different perspective on the inner voice Cindy is pointing out. In His service....Timothy
  4. Understanding Forgiveness by Marcella Marie Burns The concept of forgiveness is very personal and I have found that there are many misconceptions about forgiveness, and because of this, the subject causes many discomfort. If you have been betrayed by someone you love, it is natural to feel that forgiveness is not only impossible, but unwise. When I realized the depths of the betrayal perpetrated by my husband of 30 years, the father of my nine children, I did not see how forgiveness would ever be possible. As a Christian, I was aware of many scriptural injunctions to forgive my enemies, and this produced some very negative and frustrating emotions. I felt boxed in, unable to do what God had said we must do. I wasn’t even sure I would be able to “forgive God” at the start of this journey. I felt He must have completely abandoned and rejected me to allow this to happen in my life (I recognize this as a lie now). Instead of just ignoring the subject, I decided to study forgiveness from a clinical viewpoint, and avoid my emotional responses until I was able to gain more clarity on the subject. The Study of Forgiveness Since I was a student in a Christian counseling program, I looked first to the counseling community for resources. I found a study done by the Human Development Study Group at the University of Wisconsin-Madison on forgiveness. Under the leadership of Dr. Robert Enright, PhD., former president of the APA and a licensed psychologist and professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, this group embarked on a scientific study of forgiveness by applying rigorous, systematic, and objective procedures to evaluate the clinical benefits of forgiving. The study was very successful, and in 1994, the group began a non-profit group, the International Forgiveness Institute to help others understand the process of forgiveness. These scholars developed a Forgiveness Therapy process model that suggests a specific series of steps to help one person forgive another if they choose to. Their studies have shown that many have found freedom from wrath, resentment, bitterness, and other self-destruction behaviors through following the forgiveness process. They tested their theories on a variety of subjects: incest survivors, rape victims, Holocaust survivors, prisoners of war and others. In every case, those who were able to forgive improved their psychological health, and those who did not, either stayed the same or became worse. After each study, members of the “control group” were offered an opportunity to go through the forgiveness process. Those who did also saw an improvement. The International Forgiveness Institute scholars first had to define forgiveness. They reviewed writings from religions, philosophy, and literature, but found few definitions. We will use the following definition for this series: “Forgiveness includes the relinquishment of resentment or revenge — even though the wrongdoer's actions clearly deserve it — and instead of giving the offender what they deserve, giving them gifts of compassion, generosity and appreciation or benevolence.” In other words, when people forgive, they give up their right to anger and give to their offender a gift to which he/she is not entitled. Depending on the weightiness of the offense — and the span of time that the offended person has lived with, and possibly denied, the damage caused by the transgression— forgiving may be a lengthy, challenging, and agonizing process. Forgiveness: What it Isn't It is also important to define what genuine forgiveness is not. Genuine forgiveness does not require forgetting that the transgression occurred, tolerating, condoning, or excusing the offense. Forgiveness does not require one to renounce attempts to obtain restitution or legal justice. Genuine forgiveness does not require one to suppress or stop feeling anger about the offense. Genuine forgiveness does not require that offenders first admit their offenses, ask for forgiveness, make appropriate restitution, or be willing and able to change their offensive ways. Though, it might be simpler to forgive the offender who responds in these ways, the offended person does not need to stay trapped in unforgiveness because of the transgressor’s failure or unwillingness to do so. There may be other reasons the offended person may be reluctant or averse to forgiving an offense. Sometimes the offended person experiences auxiliary benefits from playing the role of the victim. They may get attention from having been offended, or they feel they are better than the offender “I would never do such a thing!” or they may experience a release from emotional pain or depression by harboring resentment. Sometimes the offended party genuinely attempts to forgive their offender, but because the offense triggers other, prior offenses that have not been forgiven, they find themselves back in the original state of unforgiveness. Finally, reconciliation is not always necessary in genuine forgiveness, and in some instances reconciliation is unwise. True reconciliation requires an offer of forgiveness by the offended, the acceptance of this gift by the offender, and the ability of both parties to create mutual trust, or interpersonal safety in their relationship. If the offender continues to be untrustworthy, unwilling or unable to change their offending ways, reconciliation will not be possible. And in some cases, the person or people who have been offended are logically unable to trust that their offenders have changed or will change.
  5. Hi Elle - I am usually the more philosophical one and Cindy is more the practical one on our team. But a few thoughts for you. I am not sure of your location, and do not post it here, but have been able to check the laws in your area for your situation. Many states have systems setup where you can get a free PO Box and have mail forwarded. - If that is not available, it would be something you need to do now. Also, locally here, our woman's shelters will provide a cell phone. If you can get a inexpensive throw away phone, I would forward your phone to the throw away phone. Of course, do not give the number out to anyone (including family) and always initiate calls from your regular phone. In the US, a person under your circumstances is allowed to get a new Social Security number. Very very important, because you are going to need to start fresh in establishing credit. I looked through the thread and don't see any reference to children, but if children are involved, what are the custody laws where you live. I know a couple in one state, I believe it was Arkansas, where the woman left and she lost all rights to the home. MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE NO TRACES OF YOUR COMPUTER HISTORY!!! Not sure if you have seen this website yet. http://www.womenslaw.org/ Hope it can give some insight and information. Blessings...TimothyPaul
  6. Don't ever worry about that. If at some point it becomes relevant for you, God will bring it to light. And at that point He will give you all the necessary tools so as it comes to light, it is surrounded with His Love. TP
  7. Not sure if this will speak into your heart and your resolve; but one of the things I always think when I read the Psalms is how much David's situation is controlled by his temperament. As I was reading this Psalm this morning, you came to mind... Psalm 43[a] 1 Vindicate me, my God, and plead my cause against an unfaithful nation. Rescue me from those who are deceitful and wicked. 2 You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? 3 Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. 4 Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.
  8. Hi Elle, I am Timothy, Cindy's partner. I was reviewing some of the things you and Cindy were talking about. I wonder if you would do me the favor of taking this quiz and letting us know the results. http://addictionz.com/codependency-quiz-20-questions/ In His service... TimothyPaul
  9. Test
  10. Buon Natale Anche a te!!!!
  11. Hey Allen - Great starting information. Just a quick question. What's your religious affiliation? Not that its mission critical but it gives me an understanding of where to start. Thanks....TP
  12. Hey Allen - sure. I'd be honored to help. Can you tell me a little bit about your situation? First marriage, any children, is the paper work finalized, how is the relationship with your former wife and kids, etc. Whatever level of info you feel sharing is cool. In His service....TimothyPaul
  13. Hey Ben - Thanks ! :=) No worries, I was working with someone in the private section. Sorry - yes. The dates nights are very important. Don't worry too much about what you are doing necessarily. A lot of it is about taking the time to plan something and making sure you are spending quality time, just you and Isabella. What thats doing is making your mind to start focusing on her first in your life. And remember, if you are focused on her, even shopping and grabbing a pizza after can be an amazing date! And by the way, thats the first time I've seen you use a pet name for Isabella on your thread. Cool ! Thats awesome progress! TP